I have this picture up in my room. And I firmly believe that God will never leave me hanging, and that whatever happens, it happens for a reason.
But sometimes it feels like He’s saying no.
Around a year ago, I applied to lead a retreat on campus. I didn’t get it, and I was heartbroken. I realize now that a huge challenge was about to come my way, and I was not prepared to lead this retreat and take care of myself during this obstacle. The next semester, I took it to prayer, and I heard God’s answer loud and clear: NO.
I remember being thrown back. No? But I was ready! I wanted this! But I heard it again, “No.”
I was disheartened, but I trusted that God had a plan. That semester, my faith life flourished in ways it hadn’t before. When the time to apply for this semester’s retreat, I applied. My faith life was incredible. Life was amazing, and I was ready. I had my interview, and I thought it went great. My friends all assured me I would get it.
But then, I didn’t. They explained to me their reasoning, and confirmed that my interview was great. They also asked that I apply again next semester. I understood, but it felt like God was giving me more nos.
I had thought about transferring, but whenever I took it to prayer, I felt so strongly that God had put me where I was for a reason. It made me nervous, and kind of annoyed, to be honest, but I’ve stayed.
When all my friends were asked to be FOCUS student leaders and I wasn’t, I stayed. I waited.
It just felt like He was saying no a lot. And that’s caused me a lot of despair in my faith life. I’ve been struggling in prayer, and had no desire to go to mass for the past few weeks.
And now I understand. God’s never said no. God’s said “trust me”. I’VE been the one who said no, no to trusting.
I ask that as Lent approaches, you keep me in your prayers. I pray I will learn, through the example of Our Blessed Mother, to say “YES” to God’s will, whether it is what I want or not.