Good Friday Confessions.

ImageAll this week, I’ve seen posts about how wonderful an experience this Lent was for people. How they’ve grown closer to God, and learned humility, and their sacrifices all worked out.

And then there’s this girl.

I’m the girl who deleted the facebook and twitter apps from her phone, but didn’t have enough self control to stay off of the sites from Safari. I told myself I wasn’t using the apps so I wasn’t *really* breaking my sacrifice.

I’m the girl who made the promise to go to daily mass every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, but in the entirety of Lent, went about five times.

I went to confession on Sunday night. And about two hours later, I sinned again.

And now as Lent’s over, I felt angry at God that I didn’t have some great spiritual experience. But, really, there’s no reason to be angry.

I’m human. I’m gonna fall. I’m gonna get back up again, but chances are, I’ll fall back down.

That’s what Lent was like for me. A whole lot of falling and getting back up.

But: I got up. I didn’t stay on the ground. I got back up.

My friend Christine wrote a great post that really spoke to me as I was struggling after my confession and immediate sinning. Through this weakness, God is giving me grace.

Tomorrow, I will be going to confession again. I’m getting back up, and I’m going to run.

 

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Let Sin Go.

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Wanna feel this free? Try the sacrament of Reconciliation!

On Sunday, I hiked up a mountain to mass at the shrine on campus. I sat alone and asked God to keep me focused on what was important and to reveal Himself to me. When it came time for the homily, the priest spent his time talking about the beautiful sacrament of Reconciliation. At one point, he said something along the lines of:

“People might want you to conceal your sin, to hide it. But God wants you to be honest and open, to come to Him with your sin.”

At that moment, the following lyrics from Disney’s new movie Frozen started repeating themselves in my head:

“Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know. Well, now they know! Let it go! Let it go! Can’t hold it back anymore… And I don’t care what they’re going to say.”

For a three letter word, sin sure is intimidating. It can make us lie, cower, and be ashamed. I can only speak for myself, in reality, but I’ve definitely lied and been ashamed because of sin.

We don’t HAVE to be afraid! God has power over sin, and as long as He is on our side, we have power, as well! Don’t conceal your sin. Come clean. Be honest. Stop holding on to it. God wants us to let go of the pain, the shame that is caused by sin. He wants to set us free.

Let God set you free. Take a deep breath and step out into the unknown: go to confession.

Besides, the cold never bothered us anyway.

The most intense adoration

Yesterday, I went to a diocesean youth rally with my youth group from high school. I was excited to go, but I wasn’t expecting any big revelations or anything: my faith life is fine. Or so I thought.

It started when I went to confession. After I confessed my sins, the priest told me that he knew that I was going to be holy, and that God was proud of me and my efforts to be holy. I was surprised. Usually, priests will tell me what to do differently, and what I’ve been doing wrong. I’ve never been told I was doing right. He also told me I had a roadblock in my heart that was keeping me from holiness.

I thought I knew what that was, but during adoration, something hit me. Something that I had hidden deep in my heart. Feelings of fear, rejection, anger, and much more. It was a walking adoration, and as the priest reached my aisle with the monstrance, I began to sob. The priest came to me, and I looked up, and all I could ask was ‘why?’ as I stared at Jesus. The priest put Jesus closer to my face. A song about trusting in Jesus was on, and I realized that I didn’t trust Jesus. “I don’t know what You want from me. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Who am I? What do you want from me?” And loud and clear, Jesus answered me, “You are mine, and I want you to trust in me. I have a plan, and you’ll know in good time. You just need to trust.”

I never realized that I have a difficult time trusting Jesus, but since then, it seems so obvious. I trust my dreams and plans more than I trust His.

As I begin to put total trust in Christ, I know that my life will change for the better. My heart will soften, my eyes will open. I’ll keep you updated.