Roll Away My Stone

As I said in my previous post, my Lent was not as fruitful as I had thought it would be on Ash Wednesday. I failed in all of my sacrifices and additional prayers I had promised to partake in, and I felt like I was moving backwards in my spiritual life instead of forwards. I recently figured out why my Lent had been so difficult.

It all began back in January or February. I was feeling depressed. It wasn’t a big deal, I have major depressive disorder: feeling depressed comes with the package. For the most part, I was able to get over it on my own, so I didn’t really feel a need to talk about it with my therapist or my mom, or anyone. However, I had no idea that the depression had taken a toll on not only on my mental and emotional health, but my spiritual life as well.

Since then, my prayer life has decreased, and I’ve been thinking things along the lines of “I’m fine without God’s help”. I was locked inside a tomb, blocked by a stone and unable to see the light.

But at the Easter Vigil, I felt something. I felt Jesus’ presence so strongly that I wanted to cry. As Jesus’ stone was rolled away and truth was brought to light, it felt like a stone that had been in my own heart was being rolled away.

Lord, I ask to to roll away all stones which are keeping me from being with you. Bring me to the light and let me live in your presence.

Daily Smash Book: 9.20.13

Listening – Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons

Eating – cherry coke, fries and a chicken wrap.

Wearing – skinny jeans and a striped purple henley

Feeling – content.

Weather – 76 degrees and sunny

Wanting – it to be 8pm

Thinking – meh

Enjoying – Dinner

Mass? – no

Gym – no

Favorite part of today so far – I’m excited for tonight.

Daily Smash Book: 9.19.13

Listening – to I Will Wait (live) by Mumford and Sons

Eating – just ate a mint chocolate chip milkshake and fries

Wearing – black flats, skinny jeans and a purple tee.

Feeling – content.

Weather -60 degrees and clear

Wanting – more milkshake

Thinking – meh

Enjoying – Drop Dead Diva

Mass? – no

Gym – no

Favorite part of today so far – MILKSHAKEEE

“I will learn to love the skies I’m under.”

They just crack me up

I have a confession… I’m a poser. I printed out the above lyrics from pinterest to put on my wall, with only the knowledge that they were from a Mumford and Sons song. I didn’t know which one because, well… I only knew a few Mumford and Sons songs.

Today, I looked up at the quote, and it gave me hope. I smiled as I realized that the lyrics could fit into one of my favorite Mumford and Sons songs, “Hopeless Wanderer”, and sang it in my head. It fit eerily well, so I googled the lyrics and lo and behold, they were from “Hopeless Wanderer”. I first heard about the song when my friend Kristen told me about her blog, which is titled “Hopeful Wanderer” (go read it. She’s fabulous.) after the song. Later that day, I read that the music video had been announced and that Will Forte, Jason Sudiekis, Ed Helms, and Jason Bateman were all in it. As a fan of all of them, I was giddy with excitement and watched the video and laughed and fell in love.

Then my friend said that she was disappointed in the video. “What?! What is wrong with you?! Are you crazy?! It’s the best video ever!!” <— that was my response. Then she told me why she didn’t like it.

The song had struck a chord with her, and the lyrics had truly inspired her. She said that the video was very funny, and that she did really like it, but in a way, it ruined the song and lyrics for her. She told me to listen to the song without watching the video. Today, I finally did. “I will learn to love the skies I’m under”. That lyric struck me. What? How do you love the sky? It’s… the sky. I thought about it, and I came to this conclusion: The sky changes.

Every day it’s a different shade of blue. Some days, it’s so beautiful, and makes you so excited to face the day! Some days, it looks kind of scary and dismal, and makes you want to crawl back into your safe, warm bed. Such is life. Some days, your surroundings will be awesome! Grand! Everything going well for you! And then the next… Well, it’s so bad that you forget you ever had a good day. The lyrics are saying that we should learn to love life, no matter how awful it seems. Because it changes. No matter what, the sky isn’t constant, and neither is life. We can’t predict what’s going to happen, and sometimes, we’ll be prepared for another type of sky. I can’t be the only one who’s stepped out into the cold rain in shorts and flip flops.

I will learn to love the skies I’m under. I will learn to love my life.

Daily Smash Book: 9.17.13

Listening – to Timshel by Mumford and Sons

Eating – nothing

Wearing – silver flip flops, skinny jeans, black blouse and my blue Mount hoodie.

Feeling – restless

Weather -64 degrees and sunny

Wanting – my packages to arrive

Thinking – meh

Enjoying – Mumford and Sons 

Mass? – no

Gym – no

Favorite part of today so far – pumpkin spice latte