When God says No.

So.. He doesn’t say no?

I have this picture up in my room. And I firmly believe that God will never leave me hanging, and that whatever happens, it happens for a reason. 

But sometimes it feels like He’s saying no.

Around a year ago, I applied to lead a retreat on campus. I didn’t get it, and I was heartbroken. I realize now that a huge challenge was about to come my way, and I was not prepared to lead this retreat and take care of myself during this obstacle. The next semester, I took it to prayer, and I heard God’s answer loud and clear: NO. 

I remember being thrown back. No? But I was ready! I wanted this! But I heard it again, “No.”

I was disheartened, but I trusted that God had a plan. That semester, my faith life flourished in ways it hadn’t before. When the time to apply for this semester’s retreat, I applied. My faith life was incredible. Life was amazing, and I was ready. I had my interview, and I thought it went great. My friends all assured me I would get it. 

But then, I didn’t. They explained to me their reasoning, and confirmed that my interview was great. They also asked that I apply again next semester. I understood, but it felt like God was giving me more nos.

I had thought about transferring, but whenever I took it to prayer, I felt so strongly that God had put me where I was for a reason. It made me nervous, and kind of annoyed, to be honest, but I’ve stayed. 

When all my friends were asked to be FOCUS student leaders and I wasn’t, I stayed. I waited. 

It just felt like He was saying no a lot. And that’s caused me a lot of despair in my faith life. I’ve been struggling in prayer, and had no desire to go to mass for the past few weeks. 

And now I understand. God’s never said no. God’s said “trust me”. I’VE been the one who said no, no to trusting.

I ask that as Lent approaches, you keep me in your prayers. I pray I will learn, through the example of Our Blessed Mother, to say “YES” to God’s will, whether it is what I want or not. 

And God said “Go”

1 Samuel 3:10 says “Speak, for your servant is listening.” That was my prayer for all of winter break, I prayed that God reveal His plan for me, because I was ready.

And like a slingshot, God pulled me back a bit, and then shot me out into the world. 

God was all: 

And I was like:

 

 

But for real. I feel like my full potential is just beginning to be realized. God is calling me to lead others to Him. Ready or not, my life is beginning. 

Daily Smash Book – 9.10.13

Listening – to Andy’s Birthday from Toy Story

Eating – cookies

Wearing – black flats, jeans, and my “Keep Calm and Mount Up” shirt. Also my St. Christopher Alex & Ani.

Feeling – tired.

Weather – 79 degrees and clear

Wanting – nothing.

Thinking – about what I need to do.

Enjoying – playing candy crush

Mass? – no

Gym – no

Favorite part of today so far – First Bible Study!

Daily Smash Book – 9.9.13

Listening – to the buzzing of the A/C.

Eating – hummus and pretzels

Wearing – skinny jeans, black flats, and my Mount SEEK shirt.

Feeling – hungry…

Weather – 68 degrees and cloudy

Wanting – to be done with classes.

Thinking – I need to step up my game.

Enjoying – meh.

Mass? – no

Gym – after classes with Gianna

Favorite part of today so far – getting a package with stuff from Rome and London from my Texan bestie ❤

Daily Smash Book: 8.31.13

Listening – to the Braveheart soundtrack

Eating – nothing, getting ready to go to dinner

Wearing – my gray yoga pants, a pink tank, and a blue tank layered over that.

Feeling – hungry

Weather – 85 degrees and partly cloudy

Wanting – to receive a responding text

Thinking – that it’s only the second week of school, and I’ve a l r e a d y fallen behind in homework.

Enjoying – Once Upon a Time

Mass? – nope

Gym – Yes, this afternoon. Used the elliptical for 20 minutes while watching Once Upon a Time.

Favorite part of today so far – today has been pretty unexciting. I’ve been doing homework all day. I’m really excited about tonight, however. 🙂 Bingo and Foam Party at the FOCUS house! 🙂